The parable of, "Air Canada flight #93"

The following parable is based on the story of the heroic final moments of United Flight 93 on 9/11. Todd Beamer, who would be the subject of a book co-authored by his wife, Lisa, recited the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm before famously calling out, "Are you ready? OK. Let's roll."

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On July 4, 2022, Air Canada flight 93 was hijacked by 4 men. Two were Amish terrorists and two were Mormon terrorists, determined to crash the plane into the Parliament of Canada on Parliament Hill, unless the government of Canada met their demands to remake Canada into the image of their newly formed religious ideology called AmI-Moron.

A 54 year old retired Canadian special forces commando named Dennis, sat at the very back, considering what he should do. Dennis overheard a group of passengers next to him mumbling some plans about retaking the plane.

Dennis was well versed in the Bible, so his ears perked up when he heard the 23 Psalm and these words: "Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen."

Then the praying man said, "Are you ready? OK. Let's roll."

As the group got up, Dennis approached them, identified himself as special forces, and asked what they were doing. When informed about their plan to retake the plane, Dennis sighed and said, "Sit back down. You'll get hurt. I'll take care of this."

Dennis calmly walked up to the two terrorists guarding the cockpit and, in a flurry of and fists and kicks, quickly dropped both terrorists. The cockpit door was locked, so Dennis walked back down the isle to get up running speed, ran back up the isle and karate kicked the door in.

A brief struggle ensued, in which the plane took a nose dive, but soon two dead terrorists were tossed out of the cockpit. Dennis leveled the plane out, put on the speakers so the passengers could hear, and radioed the control tower.

"Mayday, mayday. This is retired Canadian special forces Major Dennis R. Gilmour, regiment number 666. I have retaken the plane. Request emergency landing at Toronto Pearson International Airport, any runway."

"Sorry, bud," came the reply. "The orders have already gone out to shoot you down while you are still over the countryside, as we can't risk you crashing into city streets."

Dennis heard a gasp of incredulity from the passengers and immediately turned off the public speakers. “I can land this thing,” he said, now privately. “Don't fire. What does Canada have anyway that can get up here so fast and shoot us down?"

"Nothing. We had to make an emergency call to President Putin of Russia to send something to take care of you. Two Russian Sukhoi Su-57 fighter jets are almost on you."

Dennis requested the radio frequency of the jets, and was granted this, to fulfill a "dying man's last request."

Dennis immediately radioed the Russian jets, and since he knew a little Russian, spoke in their language, as he said, "Mayday, mayday. This is retired Canadian special forces commando, Dennis R. Gilmour. I have retaken the plane. Do not fire. Repeat. Do not fire. All is fine. Request escort to Toronto Pearson International Airport."

One Russian pilot spoke perfect English and radioed back, "Sorry, bud. We have strict orders to shoot you down. No other options allowed."

"Who gave this order?"

"President Putin, of course."

"You mean my old buddy, Vlad? He would rescind that order if he knew I was on this flight. Call him right now and ask him."

"Nope,” came the blunt reply. “You're going down, bitch."

Dennis sighed and grabbed his cell phone. He hit speed dial on his friends list for Vladimir Putin. He got through right away. "Vlad, old buddy."

President Putin knows English very well and started chatting immediately. "Hey, pal, how are your two Ukrainian wives Anna and Svetlana?"

"Fine. I don't have time for chit chat. I am on Air Canada flight 93 and your Russian jets are about to shoot us down. Can you get them off our fucking asses?"

"Hold on."

Dennis heard elevator music as he was put on hold. Within less than one minute, Vlad came back.

"Sorry for any misunderstanding, old friend. Problem solved. See ya next time ya come to Russia. I know you are busy right now." Vlad hung up.

The English speaking Russian pilot immediately called the plane. "We have been instructed to escort you to Toronto Pearson International Airport, runway 666-666-666. Please follow our lead."

Dennis replied in the affirmative to the Russian pilot. Then he re-engaged the speakers, that enabled broadcast to the passengers. “Passengers of Air Canada flight number 93. This is your Captain speaking. We will be landing shortly at Toronto Pearson International Airport. We hope you had a pleasant flight. We know you have a choice in air carriers, and we appreciate your business. Hope to see you all again soon.”

Dennis landed the plane, shared some Russian vodka with the Russian pilots soon after landing, and everybody lived happily ever after.